Finding a nanny family can be a difficult road. Finding the right family? Even harder. That’s why interviewing is such a critical part of the job search process. Some nannies make the mistake of assuming that interviews are meant to be one-sided. But in any good interview, you’re not just being interviewed—you’re interviewing the family, too. You deserve to find a position that makes you feel fulfilled, so mutual compatibility matters more than how much the family likes you.
If you’re newer to the nannying world, you may not know what questions are important to ask. That’s okay, because I’m here to help. Here are twelve questions every nanny should ask in an interview.
Note: Questions 2, 3, 6, and 10 may not be relevant due to the child’s age, whether the child has siblings, and whether they have previously hired caregivers.
Parenting & Caregiving Approach
1. What is your parenting philosophy?
2. How do you handle discipline?
3. How do you manage sibling conflicts?
4. What helps your child calm down when they’re upset?
These questions can give you an idea of how you will be expected to approach childcare. While some parents may be okay with you doing things a little differently than them, it’s crucial for you to be aligned with the parents on the fundamentals of behavior management and conflict resolution. What do you say when little Danny won’t share his favorite toy with his brother? What do you do when Jenny gets angry and hits you?
The point I want to make is that these are not small or unlikely things to consider. You will likely have to intervene in difficult situations with your nanny kids. I know I have. And if you do, you want to know how to handle them in ways that their parents will be comfortable with. Otherwise, you run the risk of creating tension with your employer or undermining their trust in you. In the worst-case scenario, this could jeopardize your relationship with your employer and potentially your job.
Aside from that, children need and deserve consistency. Assuming your employer’s parenting style is generally safe and healthy, the children would likely benefit from conflicts being handled in fairly similar ways by you and their parents. It gives them a sense of predictability while also offering them repeated opportunities to practice navigating difficult situations. And this doesn’t necessarily mean you have to perfectly mirror the parents’ caregiving style. It simply means that expectations, boundaries, and adult responses to conflict should be reasonably consistent for the benefit of the children.
Child & Family Context
5. What is your child’s daily routine?
6. What are some of your child’s favorite things?
7. Does your child have any health concerns or allergies I should know about?
8. Does your child have any additional or special needs I should be aware of?
9. Has your child had a nanny before?
10. What has been your experience with other childcare providers?
This set of questions serves two purposes. The first is very practical: it gives you some important background on the child you’ll be caring for. Some of this information can help you better understand the scope of the job, which should partly determine your pay. The family’s childcare history may also help you understand what went well for them previously and what could’ve been better. This could give you a more concrete idea of how you can meet the parents’ expectations and support the child well.
The other benefit of asking these questions is that it demonstrates a genuine interest in not just getting the job, but also understanding their child’s needs. You’re basically giving yourself a bit of a head start before you even meet the child, and in my experience, that is something parents really appreciate. They want to feel that you are eager to provide high-quality care to their child, which starts with taking the time to understand the child and their needs.
Working Relationship
11. How do you view my role as your nanny?
12. What is your preferred communication style?
It may not be obvious at first glance, but the answer to these questions may have implications for your happiness in your potential position. Let’s say you’re the kind of nanny who prefers to feel like part of the family, joking around with your employers and having dinner with the family. Now imagine that you work for a family who views you as the nanny and nothing more. I’m sure you see the problem here.
One thing I’ve learned in my nannying career is that how the employer views your role may not be compatible with what you want your role to be. And if that’s your situation, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t accept the job and succeed at it. But it does mean that you need to evaluate whether you can feel fulfilled in that position despite this mismatch.
Regarding communication, it’s important to know your potential employer’s style. Based on my experience, the three most important elements of their style are method, frequency, and approach to concerns. As for their method, you’ll want to know whether they prefer to talk face-to-face, via messaging, through a written log, or some other method. That way, if you happen to prefer a different method, you might try to make a compromise or adjust your expectations around communication before the job begins.
Frequency is a factor because you don’t want to communicate too much (yes, it’s possible) or too little with your employer. It’s not necessarily a job-ending issue, but it can become a source of frustration on both sides if you haven’t explicitly discussed how often updates, check-ins, or other conversations should happen.
And of course, it’s always a good idea to be on the same page about how and when concerns will be handled. Should they be brought up immediately or at a scheduled time? Should they be communicated verbally or in writing? These kinds of questions help you avoid uncomfortable interactions with your employer, who may be more or less receptive to concerns depending on how and when they are communicated.
I can see how these questions might seem to address relatively minor issues, but the truth is that many nanny-employer conflicts are not just the result of major disagreements—they arise from assumptions about communication that were never discussed. That’s why it’s best to talk about communication before the working relationship begins.
The Takeaway
Finding the right nanny family can be a real challenge. There are so many factors that determine how well you’ll fit in with a family. Fortunately, you don’t need to lose hope. If you participate in interviews not only as an interviewee, but as an interviewer too, you can get yourself a little closer to finding a family you really enjoy working for.
