Being a nanny can be a bit of a wild ride. And as I’ve learned, some of the greatest challenges of the job have little to do with the children themselves. If you’re a seasoned nanny, you probably know exactly what I mean. And if you’re just entering the world of nannying, you’ll find out soon enough.
When I first set out to become a nanny, I anticipated difficulties. After all, I’d already had prior babysitting experience, so I knew that children could be a handful. What I hadn't anticipated, however, were some of the challenges that came with nannying as a profession.
Here are five things I wish I’d known before becoming a professional nanny.
1) You should never sell yourself short.
This is something I’ve had to continuously watch out for throughout my nannying career. Having been a babysitter in a small college town, I started out with the mindset that I should try to undercut other babysitters’ hourly rates. While I feel it was reasonable for me to be thinking somewhat competitively, I don’t think a good goal is to always be the cheapest option—especially not as a professional nanny.
In fact, for some families, your rate may be perceived as a reflection of the quality of care you would provide. A common expectation, while not always accurate, is that you get what you pay for. So, a higher rate might signal a higher level of expertise to potential employers. By the same token, a drastically low rate could lead them to assume that you lack experience or qualifications.
That being said, I do recommend setting reasonable base rates. You can begin doing so by researching what other nannies in your area charge for comparable positions and considering your childcare experience and qualifications. Those pieces of information are a great starting point to help you decide on a fair rate.
Also keep in mind that your rates should reflect your workload. If you interview for a position that involves responsibilities beyond basic childcare, you should consider negotiating a higher rate to reflect those additional duties. Remember to consider benefits, such as guaranteed hours and paid time off, when evaluating your overall compensation package.
2) The interview doesn’t always indicate how the job will go.
Interviews help families and nannies get acquainted, vet one another, and determine whether or not they might be a good fit. However, as I have learned, an interview can be a poor indication of what your work experience will actually be like.
I once found myself in a position where, more often than not, I felt miserable. At the interview, I was told upfront that the job would be challenging. Nonetheless, I had confidence in my abilities, and I thought I was given a good idea of what I should expect. But the longer I spent in that role, the more I realized that it was difficult in ways I couldn’t have expected or prepared for.
Even though I stayed with that family through the end of the contract term, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t have taken the job if I’d known what it was going to be like. I felt I had asked all of the most important questions beforehand, and I still ended up in a really tough situation.
I want to be clear that I do think interviews are an essential step in the nanny-hiring process. Never skip the interview. And I definitely don’t mean to scare anyone. I just want to caution you: it’s wise to expect the unexpected.
Beyond that, in order to reduce your chances of falling into a situation like mine, I would strongly suggest proposing a paid trial period. That way, you can get a better feel for the position without having committed to something that might not work out.
3) Interacting with employers can be harder than interacting with children.
At this point in my childcare career, I have grown accustomed to handling problem behaviors in children. It’s par for the course in this profession. But caring for children is just one aspect of the job.
From my point of view, it is much harder to address parent-related issues because, naturally, I prefer not to cause tension with my employer. Nevertheless, it is sometimes necessary to bring up these issues, especially if they hinder your ability to do your job.
One such challenge that has become increasingly common in the post-pandemic nanny world is working for work-from-home parents. Some of these parents may want to be helpful or simply miss their children, leading them to become more involved throughout the day.
This isn’t always a problem, especially when the children are a little older. But babies and toddlers going through separation anxiety are an entirely different story. Frequent interactions with their parents throughout the day can make it more difficult for these children to settle into their routines. In this situation, it becomes the nanny’s responsibility to figure out how to best initiate a conversation about necessary boundaries during the workday.
There are other times, however, when you may not be able to remedy a parent-related issue through discussion. These scenarios typically come about when certain dynamics that make your job harder are central to a family’s way of life. For instance, your employer may practice a parenting style that doesn’t align with your preferred style. This can become particularly challenging when you're expected to follow an approach that you don't personally agree with or find effective.
And in my experience, many parents are not receptive to parenting advice from their nanny. Some may even find it offensive. It is important to remember that while you do play an important role in their children’s lives, the parents ultimately have the final say in how their children are raised.
So, in this case, a discussion about the issue would likely be a very delicate one. However, the outcome depends on both your relationship with your employer and their receptiveness to feedback. If you are very close with them or you genuinely feel that you could safely bring this up to them, it may have a positive outcome for everyone involved.
If that does not describe your situation, I would honestly caution against offering unsolicited parenting advice, as it could potentially harm an otherwise decent working relationship. If the differences between your approaches to childcare are significant enough that you find yourself struggling to work within the family's expectations, it may be best to reconsider whether the position is a good fit for you.
4) You’ll probably feel underappreciated at times.
This is a really hard one. You spend hours upon hours with someone else’s children. You pour so much love into them, caring for them day in and day out. You learn their personalities, needs, quirks, fears, and what their favorite things are. When a job is so deeply relational, it can be confusing when you’re taken for granted. You’re left wondering, don’t they see all that I do?
I remember feeling this way almost constantly with one of my past families, and it was extremely demoralizing. To be honest, I actually dreaded going to work many mornings. Not just because the children were difficult, but because I knew I’d go home at the end of the day feeling both exhausted and unseen once again.
And the thing is, I didn’t need an explicit “thank you” every day, nor did I expect to be treated like family. For me, it’s the little gestures that count. A friendly “good morning,” a kind smile here and there—just a casual sense of warm acknowledgment. But I wasn’t really getting that, and it definitely wore on me.
I will say that I don’t think they actively tried to make me feel bad. It’s possible that they preferred to keep their employees at arm’s length, so as not to blur the professional lines. Or maybe it was a simple personality mismatch.
Either way, I think that in situations like this, it’s especially important to pat yourself on the back. Remind yourself of how valuable your work is to the children, even if they don’t realize it yet. After all, helping raise someone else’s children is a unique role that takes a special kind of person.
However, if you find that you are not only being undervalued but also disrespected, it may be worthwhile to have a calm conversation with your employer. You are never obligated to silently tolerate a work environment that leaves you feeling this way. Your needs matter, too, so never be afraid to advocate for yourself.
5) A good relationship with your employer doesn’t guarantee job security.
Sadly, I learned this lesson the hard way. I had been with this family for just a couple of months, and in that short time, I had bonded quite a bit with the children. My employer had always been kind to me and praised me for my work ethic. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that I might be let go early. But that’s exactly what happened.
It started off as an ordinary day. I handled my normal duties in the house and then took the kids out to enjoy the day. At the end of that day, I met with my employer at the playground to hand off the children. While they played, she pulled me aside to chat. To her credit, she tried to break it to me as gently as she could. But I still fought back tears as she told me that it would be my last day caring for her children.
I don’t have any animosity toward my former employer. Circumstances simply changed, and I was no longer needed. Unfortunately, this could happen in any nannying position, regardless of how much your employer likes you.
There’s not much you can do about the emotional sting, but there is one practical thing you can do to protect yourself in case this happens to you: include a severance provision in your employment contract before starting work.
Had I not done that, I would have been sad and broke. At the very least, I was able to get by while I searched for a new job. Always be proactive about protecting yourself, no matter how well things seem to be going.
The Takeaway
Becoming a professional nanny is certainly not for the faint of heart. The role requires you to recognize what you bring to the table, confront uncertainty, have hard conversations, be your own cheerleader, and grapple with the realities of job security. Yet through these experiences, you discover just how much you’re capable of navigating on your own.
